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Zero and DDOJ
Issue #3
by Tom Zjaba
Chapter Four-Let's Do the Time Warp
Again!
The next morning, we find Zero and DDOJ, broke
down on the side of the road. Zero is trying to fix the flat tire and DDOJ is
sitting on the spare. Zero finally gets the tire off and yells to DDOJ "Hey,
bring the spare over here". DDOJ jumps up and picks up the tire. It is too
heavy for him to carry, so he begins to roll it. As he is rolling it over, he
trips and pushes the tire hard and it rolls off onto the highway. As it rolls
out, it falls over, two lanes over. Before DDOJ can run over and get it, an
18-wheeler comes roaring down the road and runs over it. There is a loud boom
as the truck rolls over it. When it is finished running it over, DDOJ goes over
and picks up the very flat tire. He brings it over to Zero and hands it to
him. "What the hell is this?" he screams as he sees the very flat and very
unusable tire. "It's the spare tire, like you asked for, DDOJ says. Zero
begins to count to twenty, quietly and slowly. He knows that he must try and
control his temper. But it is so hard with someone who is so obviously
useless. When he reaches twenty, he takes a deep breath and gets up. "Guess we
will have to walk now, thanks to you" he says as he opens the door and gets out
their stuff. Before he starts walking, he sees some cars coming and decides to
try and hitchhike. He runs over to the side of the road and puts out his
thumb. But one car after another zooms past Zero. Not easily discouraged, he
decides to keep trying, for the next hour. But one car after another just
passes him by. So he walks over to DDOJ, who is sitting there and playing with
some rocks and says, "Guess we will have to hoof it after all." Before he has a
chance to actually walk, DDOJ answers back "Let me try and get us a ride. It is
the thumb right?" Zero nods and DDOJ heads over to the side of the road and
sticks out his thumb. A station wagon drives past and then pulls over. DDOJ
looks over at Zero and says, "You were using the right finger?" Zero just gives
him a dirty look and runs over to the station wagon. Inside are some college
age guys, three to be exact. "Where you headed?" the front passenger says.
"Just west. If you could take us to the nearest town, that would be great" he
says. "We are headed up to the local college, Alfred, they have some stuff up
there. Hop in!" he says. Zero and DDOJ quickly jump in and throw their stuff
in the back part of the car. "Thanks a lot! We had a flat and the spare was
bad, Zero says as they begin to drive away.
As they ride down the road, they begin to talk. One of the
guys in the front seat says "My name is Dave and the driver is called Biff, and
the other guy is Jack, what's your names?" he says as he tries to make pleasant
conversation. Zero answers "My name is Charles, but you can call me Zero and
this here kid is called DDOJ." DDOJ waves at them and smiles. "DDOJ, that's a
different name" Jack says. "Thank you" says DDOJ and just smiles. They drive
for about twenty minutes before they arrive at the college. As they pull up to
the curb and stop, everyone makes their way out of the car. Dave begins to
speak "There is a frat party tonight at the house, which is that house up
there. You are welcome to come." He points at over at the house. Then he
points in the other direction "The local store is over there. You can probably
find what you are looking for there. Once you are done shopping, head back to
the house and you can take a shower and maybe there will still be some pizza
left from last night, he says as he points in another direction. Zero and DDOJ
thank him and they head off to the store.
Inside the store, they find a few Alfred University shirts to
buy and Zero gets a shaving kit. DDOJ buys a bag of gummy bears. As they head
out, they go back to the frat house and clean up. Zero then trims his beard and
makes him more presentable. They both decide to take a nap as they were up most
of the night, driving and fixing flats.
As they both are sound asleep, Dave comes in the room at
about 7:00 PM and wakes them up. "Hey, the party is going to start in an hour,
so shake a leg." Zero pulls him out of bed and slowly gets dressed in the new
clothes he bought. DDOJ also crawls out of bed and stretches. He tries to
smile, but finds it hard to do. He is too tired for that. He slowly gets
dressed and gets himself a glass of water. After a few minutes, he begins to
wake up and feels better. A smile slowly crawls over his face. "I never been
to a party before, I wonder whose birthday it is?" he asks. "I don't think it's
anyone's birthday." Zero snaps back as he ties his shoes. "I don't think it is
Christmas or Thanksgiving, so what kind of party is it then? He asks as he is
becoming quite confused. "Just a party, an excuse to drink and pick up chicks,
understand" Zero replies as he stands up and tucks in his shirt. He then pulls
the sweatshirt over and begins to put his hair in a ponytail. "By chicks do you
mean.? DDOJ begins to ask before Zero interrupts and snaps, "Don't even say
chickens or I will clobber ya." DDOJ covers his mouth and says nothing. They
both finish up and head downstairs.
It is now about 7:45 and the people are starting to show up.
Downstairs is a very large room that looks like it could be a storage area. The
room is obviously the home of many parties as there is a DJ booth already set up
(even if it is just some tables with some equipment) and a stack of what appears
to be used kegs along the one wall. Some are dented in and others have numbers
written on them in spray paint. At the far wall are a few live kegs, with a
line of people already lining up to fill their cups. There is a stack of paper
cups on top of the keg. The crowd is a mixture of mostly men and a handful of
women. Some are wearing school sweatshirts and others are wearing button shirts
or t-shirts with stupid sayings on them.
After a few minutes, Biff comes up and shakes Zero's hand.
"Glad you made it dude. Grab a few brews and we have some munchies around the
corner., he says as he points to a table at the far wall. Zero responds,
"Great room you have here. How many people you think will make it tonight?"
"We expect a few hundred, but if the other party dies early, we could be wall to
wall, if ya know whatta mean" he says as he gives a friendly punch to Zero's
arm. "That's cool" Zero responds as he gives him a harder punch back and
smiles. "A tough guy. Maybe you'll do some keg bowling later. he says as he
walks away, rubbing his arm.
Zero then tells DDOJ to stay there, while he goes and gets a couple of beers for
them. DDOJ is just standing there smiling as people walk past and look at him
weird. Two girls that are off to the side are talking quietly to themselves as
one says to the other "Can you imagine giving birth to that?" The other one
says, "I sure hope it was a C Section, or else we are talking major pain." "I
just ache thinking about it, the other girl says as they walk away giggling to
themselves. DDOJ is oblivious to them as he is to many things in life. He is a
pure bred optimist. Every cloud has a silver lining and every problem can and
will be solved easily. Even if he heard their conversation, he probably would
just agree with them.
Zero returns shortly with two plastic cups full of beer. He
hands one to DDOJ and then takes a big gulp out of his. DDOJ just smiles and
then he also takes a large swig of beer. As he brings the glass down, he makes
a very funny face. He closes his eyes and swallows real hard and makes a very
disgusted face as the beer slides down his throat. He then sticks his tongue
out and winces, like he is in pain. His face returns to normal and he tries to
put on a smile and says, "Not exactly like I expected from the beer
commercials." A couple of different girls who were watching proceed over. One
girl hands DDOJ a cup of Coca Cola and grabs the beer from him. "You don't look
like the beer type to me, she says as she takes the glass away. DDOJ sniffs
the glass, to make sure it is all right and then drinks it down. He smiles as
the foul taste of the beer is cleansed from his mouth. "Thanks!" he says to the
girl who smiles at him. "My name is Cheryl and this is Lisa, what your names?"
she asks as she extends her hand out to DDOJ. "My name is DDOJ and this is
Zero, he says as he smiles back at her and shakes her hand. The other girl,
Lisa asks "Are those your real names or are you in some kinda gang or
something?" Cheryl quickly responds, "Lisa, you are so rude." Zero then talks
up "My actual name is Charles, but I go by Zero. His name actually is DDOJ, but
I have no idea what it means." "Well, I think DDOJ is a very mysterious and
sexy sounding name" Cheryl says as she lets go of his hand and winks at him.
DDOJ just blushes.
As the music changes from a fast song to a slower song,
Cheryl asks DDOJ to dance. He smiles and accepts. As they head to the dance
floor, Lisa moves over to Zero and says "Your not a student here are you?" He
smiles at her and replies, "We were stranded here and these guys were nice
enough to let us stay the night." She smiles back and says, "I thought you
looked too old to be a student. How old are you?" Before he has a chance to
answer, Biff grabs him and pulls him over. "We're getting ready to do some keg
bowling. Thought you might like to join us." Biff then puts a beer in his hand
and they head over to where some guys are stacking up kegs of beer. Biff quickly
explains the rules to him "We are going to stack up some kegs. You are a human
bowling ball and must knock all the kegs down." As Zero looks at the stack,
there are three kegs on the bottom, with two stacked on top of them. They then
stick one more on top to make a pyramid. As the guys gather around, there seems
to be few ladies present. Zero quickly surmises that this is one of those macho
things that girls think is stupid. Not wanting to be a poor guest, he agrees to
join in the event. Biff puts his hand on his shoulder and says, "Our friend,
Zero here is going to go first. Let's hope his score is better than his name."
The guys laugh as they chug their beers. Zero is handed a beer and instructed to
down it. He does so and then stands behind the line, which is nothing more than
a piece of tape on the floor. He looks around and sees scuff marks and cracks in
the tile floor from where kegs have fallen in past games. He then puts on the
football helmet they hand him and runs, head first into the pile of kegs,
knocking over all but one end one. He also has a keg fall on his back, which
gives him a sharp pain and probably a nice bruise. The guys all cheer as he gets
up. Then the next guy runs into the kegs.
As this display of machismo takes place, DDOJ is over dancing
with Cheryl. She has been instructing him in where to place his hands and how to
dance. He has never danced with anyone before and while he is a bit awkward at
it, he finds it quite enjoyable. He smells her hair, which has a faint smell of
flower blossoms. It smells very nice, especially to someone who has only used
baby shampoo all his life. "You smell very nice., he says, trying desperately
to make small talk. He doesn't know why, but he finds it very hard to find
something to say. He is not used to having a problem talking, in fact, most
people tell him to shut up because he talks too much. But around Cheryl, his
mind is suddenly blank. She quickly responds "Thanks, but it is just shampoo and
some perfume." DDOJ is unsure if what he said was good or if he said something
wrong. He is so confused and wonders why he is like that? He then decides to try
some more at making a conversation "You are a really good dancer." She looks at
him and smiles and says, "Thanks, now that you have the hang of it, you are
pretty good too." He blushes and a goofy smile comes over his face. She cannot
help but be attracted to his innocence. She is not used to a guy who is not
trying to impress her or get her drunk. Most of the guys at these parties are
pigs and have only one thing on their mind. They are so phony and so into
themselves. She cannot help but be attracted to someone who views her as a
person and not a conquest. Plus, she feels a nurturing side of her, a maternal
instinct. As the slow songs end, they head back over for some more soda.
As they stand there and drink their non-alcoholic beverages,
Zero heads back over. He smiles and says to DDOJ "How did you like dancing with
a girl?" DDOJ blushes again and says, "It was very nice." Lisa looks at him and
says, "So how did you do?" Zero rubs his back and says "I did all right, but
that is something I have no desire to do again." Lisa then says, "So should we
stay at this party or do you want to head somewhere else?" Zero chimes in "Were
strangers here, so tell us what else is there to do?" Cheryl adds, "The movie
house is showing Rocky Horror Picture Show. They have a midnight showing and
since its the weekend, they also have an earlier showing at 9:00." Zero looks
puzzled and remarks, "Is that the movie where you act it out?" Lisa replies,
"Yeah, it's a lot of fun! The midnight one is crazier, but the early one is
pretty cool too. Sorta like a dress rehearsal." Zero responds, "That sounds like
fun. I always wanted to see that movie, but never found the time." Everyone
agrees and they head over to see the movie.
In the theatre, they are all sitting there. DDOJ is eating
popcorn and drinking a soda. Cheryl is taking a few pieces of popcorn. Lisa and
Zero are sitting there and talking about music. "A lot of this new music is all
right, but it is so pointless. I mean Men at Work and Duran Duran, sure the
tunes are catchy, but they aren't really saying anything." Zero says as he and
Lisa engage in deep conversation. "Hey, now don't knock Duran Duran. I agree
with you on Men at Work, but Duran Duran are like awesome." she responds as she
tries valiantly to defend her favorite band. "All this fab five stuff makes me
sick. Why don't they let them prove themselves over time, before comparing them
to the Beatles. Now that was a band." he responds. "Sure, if you are like forty
years old. Don't you listen to anything made from this decade? I'll bet you
haven't even seen MTV?" Lisa replies.
As they argue about music, DDOJ and Cheryl sit there and just smile at each
other. He is just happy to be with her and that is enough. As they sit there,
looking at each other, the lights dim. As darkness envelops the theatre, the
familiar lips come on the screen and the crowd begin to sing along. DDOJ looks
over at Cheryl with a perplexed look on his face. He has always been told not to
talk in theatres as it is rude, but here is a room full of rude people. She
bends over and whispers in his ear "It's an audience participation film." He
looks at her strangely because he does not understand what she is saying. As the
movie begins and the talking continues, DDOJ stands up and turns to the people
behind him and yells "Please be quiet, I'm trying to watch the movie." Some of
them start laughing and a few throw rice at him and tell him to sit down. He
does and as he looks at Cheryl, she cannot help but laugh.
During part of the movie where they have a toast, the
audience throws toast. A piece hits DDOJ in the head. He turns around again and
glares at them. While everyone else is enjoying the movie, he is not. He decides
to just sit down and grumbles to himself, while Cheryl tries to console him.
After the movie, they are walking out and DDOJ is complaining
about the rudeness of the people. "Why didn't the ushers take those people out?
They were very rude. he says with an angered look on his face. Zero laughs as
he tries once again to explain to DDOJ that it is an audience participation
film. But DDOJ cannot grasp the concept. Cheryl gives him a kiss on the cheek
and says "You are so cute when you're angry." Just like that, DDOJ forgets all
about the movie and begins to smile. Suddenly the rudeness of the audience is a
distant memory. They then decide to head back to the girl's dorm for a while.
At the dorm, they sneak into their rooms. Cheryl and Lisa both have their own
rooms, the benefits of having rich parents. While they weren't friends before
they met at the college, they soon bonded, partly because they could understand
and commiserate about the hardships of coming from a very well to do family. Not
knowing who is your real friends and who is just using you for your money and
the other problems that come with being rich, is hard for most of the students
to understand, but they both know it all too well. Guess there is some truth
about birds of a feather, flocking together.
At the dorm, they both head to their rooms with their
respective men. Cheryl and DDOJ pair off, as do Zero and Lisa. As Cheryl and
DDOJ go into their room, Zero stops Lisa and says in a hushed voice "Wait a
minute, I gotta hear this." Lisa gives him a look and says, "So you are the
snooping type? Do you peep into girl's windows too?" He gives her a dirty look
and says in the same hushed tone "Tell me your not curious?" He then carefully
presses his head to the door to hear better. She quickly joins him and does the
same. From inside they hear them talking. Cheryl says, "I really enjoyed
tonight, did you?" DDOJ responds, "Yeah, it was really swell being with you."
Swell? Zero has to cover his mouth to keep from laughing. He didn't think anyone
since "Leave it to Beaver" has used that word. Then Cheryl responds, "Have you
ever been with a woman before?" DDOJ replies "Yeah, I have been with you all
night, you are a woman right?" She laughs and says, "I thought so. Come here and
sit next to me on the bed." There is a little silence and she says, "Have you
ever kissed a woman before?" There is some silence and they assume he is nodding
"no". Cheryl then says "How did you like that?" DDOJ responds in an almost
intoxicated voice "It was nice." Zero and Lisa look at each other and smile.
They want to burst out laughing, but they don't want to blow their cover. They
then hear DDOJ say, "What are you doing? Are you hot?" Cheryl responds, "Have
you ever touched a woman before?" DDOJ replies "N-n-n-n-o-o-o-o." "Go ahead and
touch them. What do you think?" she says in a sultry voice. "They're kinda
squishy." he replies. She giggles a little and says, "Why don't we take these
off of you?" DDOJ replies in an anxious scared voice "What are you doing? Don't
do that, stop...." Then everything goes silent. Zero looks at Lisa who looks
back at him with a puzzled look. The strain to hear what is going on. After a
minute or two, they hear footsteps coming towards the door. They quickly move
back and start to walk backwards. The door opens and there is Cheryl with a robe
around her. She looks at them with a slight angered look in her face. They can
tell that she knew they were there all along. She then says, "He fainted." Zero
and Lisa break out laughing. Cheryl closes the door and walks over and puts the
blanket over DDOJ and gives him a kiss on the cheek. He looks so peaceful there.
"You really are something., she says as she goes over to get ready for bed.
The next morning, Lisa rolls over and looks at Zero who is
awake and looking up at the ceiling. "So tell me lover, where did you get a
nickname like Zero from?" she says as she puts her head on his chest. "One night
of passion and you want to know my whole past. All right, you asked for it." he
says as he strokes his fingers through her hair. "When I was born, my mother
died in childbirth. So, I only had a father and he raised me by himself. My
father was in the military and so I got moved around a lot. With all the moving,
I found it hard to make friends and to do well in school. My father used to get
so angry with me because I was always getting in trouble, both at school and
around the neighborhood. So he used to say to me that I was going to be a
nothing, I would end up being a big, fat zero. He said it so many times to me,
that I just adopted it as a nickname." says as his voice becomes serious. She
lifts her head and looks at him with a sad look in her eyes and says, "That's
terrible." He looks away and says, "Never could do anything right in his eyes.
While he never said it, I believe he blamed me for my mother's death." Lisa has
a few tears welling in her eyes and she says, "That's horrible." Zero then sits
up and says "We better go and see how DDOJ is doing." Before he can get out of
bed, she pulls him back and says "They can wait, let me make it up to you for
bringing back all those awful memories."
As DDOJ lies there sleeping, Cheryl looks at him with a smile
on her face. She just looks at the innocence in his face as he lies there and
the maternal instincts overcome her. She knows that he will be leaving, but she
fears for him. He is so trusting, so vulnerable and the world can be so harsh.
Even with Zero to look over him, she cannot help but feel worried. As he lies
there so calmly, she gently strokes his head. While he is so odd looking, she
cannot help but look beyond the exterior and see the heart of a child. While
most men would have taken advantage of her last night, he did not. Sex was an
alien concept to him. He never thought of her in that way. On a college campus,
that is so refreshing. To find a man who wants to just be with you, with no
ulterior motives. It made her think back to her youth when you had friends who
were boys and girls and they all were just friends.
As she continues to stroke his head, DDOJ wakes up. Slowly, his eyes open and he
sees her sitting next to him. "Good morning!" she says in a soft and sweet
voice. DDOJ slowly gets up and looks around. A puzzled look came over his face.
He takes his hand and scratches his head as he tries to recall the night before.
"Good morning Cheryl, I hope you aren't mad at Me., he says in a somber voice.
"Why would I be mad at you." she says as she comes over and hugs him. "I dunno,
I guess because I passed out on you. I'm sorry., he said as he hugs her back.
She kisses him on the cheek and says "How can anyone be mad at you, your such a
sweetheart." They hug for a few minutes and then she looks at him and says,
"Want to get some breakfast?" DDOJ smiles and nods his head in approval.
At breakfast, Cheryl and DDOJ are sitting at a table when
Zero and Lisa come over and join them. "How you doing Romeo?" Zero says with a
sarcastic voice. DDOJ just smiles as he eats his toast and eggs. Lisa sits down
next to Zero and nudges him in the ribs with her elbow. "Leave him alone, he had
a rough night., she says. "Very funny!" Cheryl says as she shoots daggers with
her eyes at them. DDOJ is completely oblivious to it all as he keeps eating. He
takes his eggs and bacon and makes a sandwich on the bread. Cheryl then looks
over at Zero and asks, "So how long are you going to stay?" Zero drinks some of
his coffee and looks at her and says "We'll probably head down to the bus
station later and see when the next bus leaves." A sad look comes over her face
as she stirs her coffee. "I was hoping you would stay a few more days." Zero
smiles and says "I'm sure lover boy over there would like to stay, but if he is
ever going to find his mom, we have to get going." Cheryl looks over at DDOJ and
says, "Find your mother?" Before DDOJ can swallow enough food to talk, Zero
replies "He was abandoned as a child and finally got the orphanage to release
some records, so he can find his mother. All we know is that she was last seen
in California. There is no record of his father." Cheryl's mouth drops open and
a look of extreme grief comes over her face. "So you never have seen your
parents? That's terrible." DDOJ looks over at her and a small tear rolls down
his face as he says "She left me as a baby. I didn't even know her name until a
few weeks ago." Cheryl grabs him and hugs him as she rubs the back of his head.
She starts to cry as she holds him.
Later on at the bus station, they are all standing there as
the bus is waiting to take off. Zero looks at the girls and says, "Thanks for
taking in a couple of stragglers and showing us a good time." He then grabs Lisa
and gives her a long and deep kiss. Cheryl and DDOJ just look at each other and
Cheryl walks over and kisses DDOJ on the lips. After she finishes, she hands a
small bag to DDOJ. "Here are some postcards that are already postmarked, so all
you have to do is write me a note and mail them. Please write and let me know
that you are alive and doing all right." She looks deep in his eyes. He nods his
head and smiles at her. Then both Zero and DDOJ board the bus and find their
seats. As the bus pulls away, DDOJ waves at the girls until they are out of
sight. He then sits down and smiles at Zero. "What are you smiling about?" Zero
asks in his usual slightly upset voice. "She really liked me. he says as he
falls back in his seat and just smiles. The bus keeps driving away.
Zero and DDOJ
© 2006 Tom Zjaba and Dave
Zjaba
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