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Zero and DDOJ
Issue #5
by Tom Zjaba
Chapter Six: Detroit Rock City
Without a car, the pair find themselves back on the Greyhound bus.
This time they are headed to Michigan in their quest across the country. While
it would be best to just stay on the bus and go all the way to California, Zero
found it best to break up the trip. He does this for two reasons. The first is
it gives him time to see the country and let DDOJ have new experiences. The
second reason is riding on the bus with DDOJ is very taxing and it gives him a
chance to get away. On the bus, he is constantly barraged by DDOJ's stupid
questions and strange observations. It seems like every billboard is another
reason for him to ask questions. And he has to try and get every truck driver to
blow their horn. But Zero has himself to blame for that as he is the one who
showed him that trick. A few trucks blowing their horns if cute, but dozens of
them is maddening. Everyone on the bus wants to strange DDOJ as he never shuts
up. About the only passengers who are not ready to toss him out the emergency
door are the children. They enjoy playing peek a boo with him and sing songs. Of
course their parents are not so happy with his ability to rile them up, but the
kids love him.
When the bus arrives at a bus station in Detroit, everyone rushes to get up and
out the door. "Look how anxious they are to see the city." DDOJ says as he
watches the people almost stampede out the door. He just sits there and watches
all the commotion. The bus driver is asking for everyone to leave in an orderly
manner, but his words fall on deaf ears. The kids are being pulled along, but
they wave to DDOJ as they are pulled out of the bus.
As the two of them head downtown, Zero hails a cab. The cabbie stops and he says
"Take us to a cheap hotel downtown." The cabbie says "I know just the place." To
himself he mumbles "Bet they don't leave a tip." As they drive through Detroit,
they see all kinds of people wandering around. Even though it is getting dark
out, there are plenty of people out. Most are hanging around street corners.
DDOJ is waving to them all as he drives by. As they get into the heart of
downtown, they see a stadium up ahead with crowds around it. Traffic is moving
very slow. Zero asks the driver "What is going on?" The guy turns around and
says "The rock group, Kiss, is playing tonight." This gives Zero an idea. He
then yells "Stop here." He pulls out a twenty and hands it to the guy. "Keep the
change." he says as he pulls DDOJ out of the car. The cab drives off and they
head over to the concert.
As DDOJ looks at the crowds, he sees men and women with their faces painted.
Some look like Paul Stanley with the star over his eye. Others look like demons
like Gene Simmons. Then there are the space men and cats as well. DDOJ asks Zero
"Is it Halloween or something?" Zero laughs and says "No, they are just dressing
up for the concert." DDOJ gets an odd look on his face as he asks "I thought
getting dressed up meant putting on a suit and a tie?" Zero laughs and says "It
means different things to different people. For these people, it means putting
on make-up. As they are walking along, they see someone who has their van parked
and have a small table set up. There is a woman in a tie die shirt and a guy
sitting there. They have a sign hanging from the table saying "Kiss Face Paint -
$8.00". DDOJ looks at Zero and says "I wanna get my face painted." Zero rolls
his eyes and says "Go ahead." As DDOJ rushes over to the table, Zero spots a guy
selling tickets down the street and heads over there.
DDOJ goes up to the lady and says "I want my Kiss Face Paint!" He hands her
eight singles. She counts it and says "We cannot do your whole face for that
price. Your head it too big." DDOJ just smiles at her and nods. She looks at the
guy who looks back at her. She then stands up and says "Come this way." DDOJ
follows her over to the van and she looks at his face. She looks back and forth
and then asks "So which Kiss member do you want to look like?" DDOJ just answers
"Yes!" The lady reaches over and grabs her paint kit and says "Not exactly the
answer I was looking for. I tell you what, how about if I make you look like
Paul Stanley?" DDOJ responds "Yes!" She then grabs a stencil that looks like a
piece of cardboard with a star cut out. She places it over his eye and says
"Close your eye, so I don't get any paint in it." She then grabs a large brush
and dips it in some paint and quickly fills in the space. It takes her a minute
to do it and when she is done, she pulls off the stencil and there is a star
around his eye. She grabs a mirror and holds it in front of him and says "Open
your eyes." He slowly opens his eyes and sees the star painted on his face. He
smiles and keeps looking. She then puts the mirror down and says "Enjoy the
show. Rock n Roll!" She then gives him a peace sign. He smiles back and gives
her a peace sign and says "Rock n Roll!" The guy just rolls his eyes. He then
runs off, looking for Zero. As he leaves the guy looks at her and says "And they
say the Grateful Dead have weird fans."
Zero walks up the guy selling tickets and the guy says "I have primo seats for
the show." Zero asks him "What's the best tickets you have?" The guy looks left
and right and then pulls two tickets out of his inside coat pocket. "Third row,
center. Only way to get better seats is to win a contest." Zero looks at them.
The man is young, in his early twenties. He is wearing a jean jacket and has a
Kiss t-shirt on under it. He is wearing a bandana that keeps his long hair out
of his eyes. As Zero reads the tickets he says "I'm asking five hundred a piece
for those, but since the show is soon, I'm willing to sell the pair for
$700.00." Zero looks at the face value which says $35.00." He then reaches in
his pocket and pulls out his wallet. The guy's eyes light up as he thinks he is
going to sell the tickets. But instead of pulling out money, Zero shows him his
badge and says "You know scalping is against the law." The guy gives him a dirty
look and says "This just sucks. Can't we work out a deal?" Zero makes an angry
face and says "Here's the deal. Walk away without the tickets and I will forget
this happened. Or we can take you to the station and you can spend the night in
jail." The puts his hands in his pockets and turns and walks away. As he is
walking away he is mumbling some profanities, just loud enough for Zero to hear
them. Zero laughs and heads out to find DDOJ. As he comes around the corner, he
sees DDOJ with his star makeup. He sees Zero and runs over "Like my makeup? Rock
n Roll!" Zero just laughs. They then walk off to get into the stadium and see
the concert.
At the bus terminal in Cleveland, Ohio, two men are talking with the teller. One
of them is showing her a picture of Zero and DDOJ. It is a police sketch but it
looks quite a bit like them. "Have you seen these two men?" one of the men asks.
She takes the picture and looks at it. She adjust her glasses as she loudly
chews her gum. "Whatcha want with these two?" she asks. The man pulls out his ID
and badge and shows it to her. "It is classified FBI business." She looks at the
badge and the ID and says "Yeah, I saw them. They left here yesterday." The man
takes back his picture and his ID and asks "Where were they headed?" She looks
at one man and then at the other. She then says "Is there a reward or something
for these guys?" The man then looks at her name tag and says "Well Ms.
Bannister, the reward is you will not get audited every year for the rest of
your life." She smiles and asks "I thought the IRS handles the audits?" He then
replies "They do and my good friend works there." The other guy then shows his
badge and ID which says IRS. She looks at it and her eyes open wide. Then she
says "They got on a bus headed to Detroit." They should have arrived yesterday
at 7:00 PM. The man then says "Thank you for your cooperation. Have a good day."
As they walk off, the one says to the other "Isn't it amazing how the IRS badge
is more effective than the FBI badge." The other smiles and says "Nothing is
scarier than yearly tax audits." They both laugh as they walk to their car, an
all black Cadillac.
The stadium is full. The show was a total sellout and the crowd is waiting for
Kiss to come out. Some people are chanting "Kiss! Kiss!" in hopes that it will
get the group out sooner. This is DDOJ's first concert, so he does not know what
to expect. All around him are men in black shirts, mostly one with Kiss on them.
And there are tons of girls and women. They are screaming loudly. Behind them
are two attractive women and their boyfriends. The girls both have long hair
that is all frizzed out. One is a blonde and one is a brunette. They are wearing
t-shirts that have been cut so they can show off their stomachs. The men are
fairly tall and have long hair. One of them has a goatee. They are passing a
joint around between them. DDOJ smells the pot and wonders what it is. He turns
to Zero and asks "Ooh, what's that smell?" Zero whispers "Marijuana." All of
sudden DDOJ's eyes get real big as he whispers back "Isn't that illegal?" Zero
then whispers back "Only if you get caught." DDOJ does not understand but accept
the answer.
The lights in the stadium turn off and everyone begins screaming. Then a voice
comes over saying "Detroit, are you ready to rock and roll?" There is a
thunderous applause from the crowd. Then there is a huge explosion on stage and
the members of Kiss appear and break right into "Detroit Rock City." The crowd
goes nuts as they play the song very loud. DDOJ is covering his ears as he is
not used to hearing anything that loud. As the song goes on, Paul Stanley comes
over towards them. The guys behind them put the girls on their shoulders and
they scream out for Paul. He looks their way and one of the girls pulls up her
top and exposes her breasts. Then the other one does the same thing. Paul points
right at them and smiles. The girls shake to keep his attention. Zero turns
around and sees what Paul was looking at. He then taps DDOJ on the shoulder and
points back. When DDOJ turns around, he sees the girls up there exposed and is
shocked. He covers his eyes with his hands but he keeps peeking between his
fingers. He doesn't want to look but something inside him makes him. The girls
look down and see him covering his eyes and laugh. As he peeks up, the blonde
winks at him. She then pulls her top back down as does her friend. The crowd
groans as they are disappointed that the peep show is over so quickly.
Later in the concert, the two guys get up and walk off to get some more beer.
When they are out of sight, the blonde taps DDOJ on the shoulder. He turns
around and sees it is her. He immediately covers his eyes. She takes her hands
and pulls his hands down from his eyes and looks into his eyes. "I saw you
peeking at me before." she says with a coy smile. DDOJ looks at her with her
full head of hair, extremely red lips and blue eye shadow and blushes. He finds
her very attractive but is scared by what she just said. "I am sorry, I didn't
mean to look." he says as a frown materializes on his face. She does not let go
of his hands but now she holds them. "I didn't mind that you looked. I was
flattered. Did you like them?" she asks with a big smile. She has a nice smile
with nearly perfect teeth. DDOJ is speechless and not sure what to say. She then
asks "So did you like looking at them?" He gulps as he is very nervous now. It
was one thing to look at them but to be asked about them was a whole other
thing. He is scared she may tell her boyfriend. "If I say yes, will you tell
your boyfriend?" he asks as he starts shaking. "Oh Mike, don't worry about him."
she says. Her girlfriend is now listening in the conversation as is Zero. DDOJ
gulps and makes a small smile as he says "Yes, I did like them." She smiles and
gives him a kiss on the cheek. "You are such a doll." Zero just shakes his head.
He wishes he knew what was so attractive about DDOJ. He is dopey, has a huge
head and acts like a child. Why are women so ga-ga over him? She then says "My
name is Bridgette, what's yours?" He smiles and says "I am DDOJ." She laughs and
says "What kind of silly name is that?" He frowns and says "I don't know." Zero
than butts in "Hello Bridgette, I'm Charles but my friends call me Zero." She
shakes his hand and says "Zero? Are you in a band or something?" He smiles and
answers "No, not in any band." She smiles at him with her near perfect smile and
says "Oh, with a name like Zero and the long hair, you look like someone in a
band." The other girl then joins in "I'm Candy. How are you?" They shake hands.
Bridgette then says "Why don't we blow out of here? Mike and Bob won't be back
til the end of the concert. They are getting drunk somewhere." Zero then asks
"Do you have a car?" Bridgette pulls out some keys and waves them saying "I have
Mike's Vette keys." Zero asks "How is he going to get home?" She laughs and says
"Not my problem."
In the lobby, there are a ton of people walking around. Some are by the vendors,
buying t-shirts and posters. Others are getting beers or food. Others are making
out. As Bridgette looks over at one of the couples making out, she sees Mike
with some brunette. He is making out hot and heavy with her. She gets a pissed
look on her face, but she also has a look like she expected it. DDOJ asks
politely "Is that Mike?" She turns away from looking at him and keeps walking.
She says "I knew he wasn't getting beer. But this time, instead of finding me
waiting for him, he will find his beloved car gone." DDOJ touches her on the arm
and says "I'm sorry." She smiles back at him with a few tears rolling down her
face. "The sad thing is, he will miss his car more than me."
They then leave the building and head out into the darkness. The girls lead the
way to a parking garage. As they make their way up the garage, they find Mike's
corvette. It is a Corvette Stingray from the 1976 and it candy apple red. Zero
looks over the car and says "Nice ride." Candy comes over and says "It is his
pride and joy." Bridgette then unlocks the doors and says "Let's blow this
joint!" They all jump in the car and speed away.
Back at the concert, Bob comes over and interrupts Mike who is still making out
with the girl. "Dude, the chicks are gone." Mike stops kissing and looks at him
and asks "What do you mean gone? They probably just went to buy a snack." Bob
then pushes him and says "No, they are gone. They left with those weird dudes
sitting in front of us." Mike pushes him back and says "Did you see them leave?"
Bob then says "Well, no, but the dude behind us did. He said they were leaving
in a vette." Mike all of sudden pushes the girl aside and says "My Vette!" The
girl falls to the ground and screams "Hey! Watch it." Mike ignores her as the
two of them run out of the building.
As they run across the street, they head to the parking garage. As they are
across the street from it, they see a vette pull out and zoom down the street.
Mike chases after it but it is soon out of sight. "Get back here." he screams as
he tries to catch his breath. "Bob runs up to him and says "Maybe that was
another vette." Mike looks at him and pushes him saying "What other candy apple
vette you know that has the license plate "Dude"? Bob then stops and says "Sorry
man." Bob then adds "Let's call the cops and report it stolen." Mike gets a
pissed look on his face and says "Screw the cops, I am getting back myself."
Zero and DDOJ
© 2006 Tom Zjaba and Dave
Zjaba
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